I need to let go of all this unhappiness and frustration im carrying about. Its not helping anyone and its certainly not helping me. I think ive decided what i need to do in some terms though. Firstly, i need to get things to look forward to. Things that are going to make me excited and happy and feel as if im going somewhere in life. Right now, i have t in the park to look forward to, going home for the summer, a mountain trip in September with a friend and her family and a trip to Fiji in the end of november.

I think another thing i need to firgure out is a plan on where im going, For so long now ive had these amazing big ideas but theyve never really been put into action, therefore i need to change this. I need to know

- what im going to do when i leave school - im pretty sure i want to go to uni somewhere, i just have no idea if  want to go home, stay in brisbane or go to the big apple.

- if i stay in brisbane, i will go to fiji, straight to edinburgh for two months and then head back to brisbane to study. If i really hate it here, i can always differ to new york or edinburgh.

- if i choose home, i stay in brisbane till february and head home. I have no idea what uni i will fall into but i will be home, where the heart is apparently.

- if i choose the big apple, it will be amazing, but lonely.

So what do i do in all this?

I think in order to figure this all out, i have to figure out what i need to do in order to become happy first. I need to find the happiness whether it be with school, friends, relationships or  family. Right now, all four are troubling me.

fuck i hate life sometimes.