youve crossed a line

IM HOME SICK I WANT TO GO HOME.

i miss winter. I live in a country with not much of a winter. Hate life.

I need to let go of all this unhappiness and frustration im carrying about. Its not helping anyone and its certainly not helping me. I think ive decided what i need to do in some terms though. Firstly, i need to get things to look forward to. Things that are going to make me excited and happy and feel as if im going somewhere in life. Right now, i have t in the park to look forward to, going home for the summer, a mountain trip in September with a friend and her family and a trip to Fiji in the end of november.

I think another thing i need to firgure out is a plan on where im going, For so long now ive had these amazing big ideas but theyve never really been put into action, therefore i need to change this. I need to know

- what im going to do when i leave school - im pretty sure i want to go to uni somewhere, i just have no idea if  want to go home, stay in brisbane or go to the big apple.

- if i stay in brisbane, i will go to fiji, straight to edinburgh for two months and then head back to brisbane to study. If i really hate it here, i can always differ to new york or edinburgh.

- if i choose home, i stay in brisbane till february and head home. I have no idea what uni i will fall into but i will be home, where the heart is apparently.

- if i choose the big apple, it will be amazing, but lonely.

So what do i do in all this?

I think in order to figure this all out, i have to figure out what i need to do in order to become happy first. I need to find the happiness whether it be with school, friends, relationships or  family. Right now, all four are troubling me.

fuck i hate life sometimes.

stop

so, hiya.

Im exhausted and have no motivation whatsoever.
Strangely addicted to delta's new song, love life.
Just giggled a little.

For those days we felt like a mistake
Those times when loves what you hate
Somehow, we keep marching on.

For all of the times weve stopped
For all the things im not

Right right right left right
Right right right left right

we keep marching on.

go

struggle of happiness

Its come to my attention that im not actually that happy. Im usually quite a positive, happy person but nah. Its just not working. I could blame boys but im not in love with anyone, i honestly don't have anybody to fantasize about. So, we can scratch boys off the list. Another reason i could blame may be my appearance but in all honestly again, i really dont care what i look like right now. I probably should care more, meh. I could blame my family and friends but truthfully, theyve done nothing wrong. I could blame school aswell but, isnt that everyones problem?

A few days ago i said that the best way to get over someone is to change things around you, places, people anything. I think the same general rule applys with happiness because the two are linked. If youre getting over someone, you clearly arent happy. So, in order to find happines, i have to change things somehow.

Make plans. Thats what i have to do.

hating on life a significant amount